How I conquer my boredom whilst bedridden.

My bed is my favourite place to be, It's sort of like my safe zone, I can rest as well as keep myself entertained from the comfort of my bed, I can even do yoga poses from there! I get people asking me if I ever get bored, sometimes I do but other times I like to make my own fun. I do get depressed not being able to get out as much as I like but I can't sit around and feel sorry for myself all my life can I? I know most people will see it as me being lazy or they think fresh air will help but that's obviously not going to help me, I have a chronic illness not a silly cold, that's what a lot of people tend to forget. Here a few of the things I like to do that make me feel like I'm being active but from the comfort of my own bed.

Gaming.

Gaming is a huge part of my life, I enjoy it and I see nothing wrong with unwinding on a game. I've been called childish for playing games but who cares, we all have hobbies right? I mostly play Destiny and Fallout4 and I recommend them highly! I would love to have my own gaming PC or laptop but unfortunately, I don't have the money nor space for a PC. I own a PS3, PS4, Xbox 360 and a Nindento 3DS, unfortunately, most all my consoles but the PS4 have gone unused for a number of months now, that's not to say I don't enjoy playing them because I do! I might give Heavy Rain and Ni No Kuni another play through on my PS3 soon, seeing as they are coming to PS4!

Crafting.

I love crafting it's been something I have done since I was little, my sisters and I would sit and make jewellery with beads from the huge bead sets our parents got us for Christmas. The kind of crafting I enjoy doing now is garland making, I use to have my own shop but stopped due to my health and an unwarranted bit of hate from another crafter. My favourite garlands I have made are my flower cat ear headbands, I find them adorably sweet and they soon anyone.

Reading.

This is an obvious one, I normally sit on my bed with my kindle reading, I'm currently reading reasons to stay alive. It's actually a really good book, especially for those like me who suffer with depression, in fact it's also a great read for those who aren't so understanding of depression. The kind of books I tend to enjoy are historical, fantasy and crime books, I'm not a big fan on romance as they all seem to be a bit rhetorical. One of my favourite crime/murder books is a book called Natural Causes by James Oswald set in Scotland, I don't want to say too much about it as I don't want to give anything away.

Yoga.

I have put on weight since having my coil in and find it hard to work out as it is, so when I know it's a bed day I try my best to do some gentle yoga. It makes me feel a little better about being active, I have a yoga matt which I use for when I'm out of bed, I love the fact that I can do my yoga just as well as on the matt as on my bed. Lately, I haven't been able to do as much Yoga as I have wanted so It's took a back seat in my life until I get this coil removed, once I'm feeling up to it I will get back on track with my yoga and losing weight.

Picture Editing.

I love taking pictures, I need a new camera but for now it will do. I'm always taking pictures and editing them slightly. I love nature photography but I find it hard to get out and about to take pictures so sometimes I will go through all my old pictures and edit them. I have been uploading my pictures for my camera memory card to VSCO cam and using the app on my phone to edit and upload them to my Flickr account and VSCO can account.

Blogging.

This is one thing I could sit and do for hours, but only when I'm inspired. Sometimes I hit a wall and I'm unable to think of what to blog about but other times the ideas come to me all at once so I have to write the down and get my laptop out (or write a draft on the blogger app on my phone). I'm not sure what gave me the idea to do this post but I thought it would be nice to share!I don't always like getting my laptop out so I would love it if the blogger app was a bit better and allowed me to edit my blog post properly but alas I doubt that will happen. My sister is to blame for my blogging, I couldn't thank her more because it has in a way changed my life and helped me deal with things head on, being open about depression has helped me pinpoint what has been effecting me the most.

Elle May x

A look back on my NCS.

I was laying in bed the other day feeling teary writing this post out, I wasn't sure if I should post it until this morning I could barely sit up, I'm so fed up with constant low BP and chest pains, I just burst out crying, I thought why the hell not! I'm sure some people might want to give it a read. When I think back on how long it took doctors to diagnose my NCS I'm actually quite thankful as most people wait years to be diagnosed with what's wrong with them, it took about 2 years of different tests but they gave me the diagnosis of Neurocardiogenic Syncope in the end. I wasn't that sure of what it was, No one even gave me any information on it so I decided to do some research online. I ended up feeling a little lost and overwhelmed as to how I would deal with it in my everyday life, I didn't want people to pity me or stop hanging out with me but unfortunately, both of those things happened.

I have done a few posts on my NCS and a post on when I had my tilt table test, that was one of the nicest tests (to say the least) that I have ever had, one of the worst ones was the camera down my throat (Gastroscopy), I was crapping myself when I was told I had to have it done, they told me I would be having a bubble test at the same time and that I could stay awake or be put to sleep for it, I decided there was no way in hell I wanted to be awake for that! Before I was put to sleep they gave me throat numbing spray and then I swallowed the camera, when I eventually came around they were pulling it out of my throat, it was awful and so uncomfortable! The bubble test I had to have was saline with bubbles injected through an IV to have a better look at my heart, this is called an ECG with contrast, I was very out of it when I came around and I'm not sure if it was the bubble test that made me feel so crappy, the anesthetic or the camera! I have no idea how long I was under for but when I woke up I had a bad headache, a very sore throat and felt like puking everywhere. As the weeks passed I was nervous about what would show up from the tests, I was told I have a bifurcation blockage which no one explained further to me. 

I've had so many different scans and ECG's I can't keep up with how many I have had all together, sometimes. One of my scans showed I have an unroofed coronary sinus, once again that's been brushed to one side and no one has discussed it with me. I've tried to discuss things with my cardiologist many times but last year he told me there is nothing more he can do to help me, I was feeling a little lost but I'm hoping to have a new one sorted. Living life with fainting spells all the time does get me down, I don't feel like I have the freedom to live my life like other people and I do have other underlining heart problems which my cardiologist never wanted to investigate further with me. I've been called a liar and lazy, it really gets me down because sometimes it's so hard to get myself out of bed and get on with my day.  I'm writing this because I'm feeling very low today and looking back on things does help, knowing I had all those tests to help me find out what's wrong, but what doesn't help is being left in the dark over who will treat me from now on and who will take me seriously. I want more people to understand how exhausting and overwhelming things can get for me, I wish they could take a walk in my shoes but they can't. I want a career and a normal life/normal BP and I want people to stop judging me!

Elle May x

My cat alomost died.

It was pretty early the other morning, I woke up to Gizzy making funny noises like she was screaming and growling at the same time. I had never heard her make these kind of noises so I opened my eyes to see Gizzy hanging from my bunting by her neck. This is not a lie it's the honest truth, I moved as fast as I can and lifted her up and removed the bunting from around her neck. I had never ever been so terrified and upset over Gizzy like this before, I felt so bad because it's my responsibility to keep her safe and she nearly died. Luckily she was checked over and she is fine, just a little shaken up and scared.

My reason for posting this is because people overlook what dangers can be around when it comes to pets. Parents baby proof and kid proof their house but a lot of people don't bother with animals which is a little silly seeing as they can get hurt from everyday household items just like us humans can. I foolishly didn't think Gizzy would get her neck or any part of her stuck in bunting but she is a cat they like things that are string like or hang down so they can play with them. Ever since that incident we have moved the blind strings so they aren't hanging down, I no longer have bunting up and I'm forever checking what she has got in her mouth. 

Cats are like babies, they will bite on things and get themselves tangled up, this is why you have to keep an eye on them when they are playing with cat toys. I have seen/heard other horror stories about cats choking and hanging themselves on toys because their owners haven't put the toys away or been around whilst they are playing and unfortunately I was one of those people. Fair enough you can't always keep an eye on them but you can put things away and hide them from your cats. Some people even go as far as ignoring warning labels on toys, please be cautious and always read these warnings and be aware of the dangers, if you're unsure of how safe a toy is read up about it. I have put together a list of a few cat toys which are hazardous but your cats can play with them as long as they are under supervision.

• Avoid toys that have string/rubber bands/ribbon these are extremely dangerous and can not only strangle your cat but they are dangerous to be ingested.
• Make sure you don't buy toys that are small enough to be swollen and ingested.You can buy you mice for cats that have eyes and noses stuck on, when they come off your cat could choke on them.
• Feather toys may look cute, my cats have a few but I always make sure I'm around whilst they play with them, cats do tend to swallow them which can be dangerous.
• Soft toys can also be dangerous, the stuffing inside can be toxic so if you do get your cat a stuffed toy make sure it's safe for under 3 year old and make sure it's sewn securely together, Kong do some wonder pet safe soft toys!
• Fishing pole toys are a big risk, a cat can become tangled up in one and can find it impossible to untangle themselves which can suffocate them.
• Always keep an eye on your cat if they are playing with a toy that has a battery in, they could get the battery out and eat it if you don't!
• You may think it's cute to let your cat play in a bag but it's dangerous, bags kill cats! They can choke on them and suffocate themselves.

There are a number of safe cat toys you can get here are a few:

Ping Pong Balls - These are big enough to not be swallowed and cats love batting them around, If you notice they have a crack in don't let your cat carry on playing with them, replace them.

Cat track ball activities are great for keeping your cats active, we have had ours for 6 years now and added bits to it to make it longer!

For years we have been buying Kong toys for our cats, these plush crinkle toys are great.

This cardboard castle is perfect for cats, my cats are obsessed with cardboard any ways so I'm sure they would love one of these.

Crinkle cat balls keep my cats very active, they don't chew on them they just bat them around the house, you can make your own by getting some tinfoil and rolling it into a ball.

Hopefully more people are aware of what they let their toys play with after reading this, I don't know what I would of done if I had lost Gizzy due to my own stupidity, she is my little ray of sunshine.

Elle May x

A letter to myself

Elle,

I know you probably feel silly for writing a letter to yourself and putting it on your blog, but you enjoy going back to your blog posts and reading them. Hopefully, you will come across this and it will make you smile and remember to stop being so hard on yourself.

Some days you may feel like the world is against you and other days you may feel on top of the world, the way you have been feeling will come and go but you will always find a way to deal with it. You may feel a bit of a failure from the things that have happened in the past and current issues you have now but you can still go on, You probably think no one cares for you, but there are many people out there who do. I know you value other people's opinions and you worry what people think of you but don't sweat it, not everyone is going to like you and that's ok. You don't have to suffer in silence with your chronic illness, if you talk to people some may listen some may not, those who don't listen or care don't deserve you so cut them out of your life, you don't need that kind of negativity and when people try to put you down, hold your head up high and walk away.

You may not feel like you're good enough for him, but he is still by your side. He tells you he loves you and holds you tight so try not to over think it, he knows how to deal with your moods and helps you when you faint so stop seriously overthinking!! Depression may be creeping up on you and clouding your mind making you unable to think straight but them clouds will clear and you will be able to smile again, don't you dare doubt it! Live your life the way you want to and not the way you're expected to, do what you have always wanted to do, have fun, make the most of your life.

Hopefully, when you do read back on this you have achieved all those things you have been telling yourself you have wanted to do, always remember you are worth it!

Love Elle x

Magnitone The Full Monty.

I've been in a little battle with myself over doing a post about this product, only because there are so many opinions on it I didn't want to seem like I was being a sheep. But I've decided what the hell I may as well give my take on the Magnitone, one more post can't hurt can it? I first heard about the Magnitone on Twitter, people were saying It's a lazy facial cleansing brush and people may as well buy a face cloth or a normal face brush to clean your face with. I was very much intrigued with how it would benefit me and what it does, so I decided to read up on it and I ended up wanting one. The biggest issue for me was the price tag, they are pretty expensive but you can get them from certain shops a bit cheaper. I went on and on at my family and James for months about how I needed one, I even put one in my Christmas wish list so when it came to Christmas Day and I opened my presents I was so pleased to see that James had actually for me one. Mind you I was glad he didn't pay £70 for it and only paid £50 it is a pretty expensive brush (yes I know £50 is still a lot of money).

I put the Magnitone lucid brush on my wish list but James ended up getting me the full monty, not that I'm complaining! In all honestly, I'm glad he bought me a different one, I love the look of it and love that it's a facial cleanser, tones, exfoliates and has a pedi buff brush. The thing I noticed about my Magnitone was the buttons and the circle in the centre, I like this design a lot more than the lucid brush. The way it charges is very different too, the full monty sits in a cradle where as the lucid has a magnetic clink charger that goes on the front and one end of a cable plugs into the clinker then the other end plugs into the wall. With the cradle I have I just sit my Magnitone in it and plug a cable into the cradle to charge it, I like sitting mine in the cradle and putting it out on display in my room.

The Magnitone The full monty comes in a large box which includes 3 different brush heads which are the active clean brush, this brush is for your face the Magnitone has 3 different modes for it, daily facial mode, sensitive mode and the pulse lift tonning mode.The exfoliator brush is for your body, my skin feels so soft after using it, it only has the exfoliate mode and then there is the well-heeled brush which has the pedi-buff mode, I haven't used it as much as the other two brushes but it does make my feet soft.To change modes you just press the button in the middle several different times to get your desired mode, there are 3 dots that go down the handle on the brush that let you know if you're using the modes for the face, body or feet. There is an auto stop timer, so you can evenly clean your face and you don't spend too much time washing one part of your face, I normally start on my forehead then do my t-zone and cheeks and lastly I do my chin and neck as there are 3 beeps and then the brush stops for a second which means you should use the brush on the next part of your face. It is 100% water proof so I can use it in the shower or the bath, I'm so happy it is, because knowing me I would drop it in the bath and break!

The box says that you can get visible results from your first use, I only noticed how clean and soft my skin was, it still looked very angry and red. But now I have used it a lot more I have noticed my skin clearing up and it's a let less red, but I think it is because it cleans my face so much better than I seem too, even though I try my best to clean it. You will need to make sure you buy new brush heads every 3 months and normally they come, 12 month warranty and a Magnitone membership card (mine did). This brush has slowly become part of my everyday regime now and was actually better than I expected, I personally think it is a good buy but would be great if the brush heads and the Magnitone itself was a little cheaper.

Anyone else have a Magnitone? What do you think of it, does it live up to the hype?

Elle May x

What's new?

As you can see my blog has changed, but only a little bit. I wanted to give my blog a new look but I didn't want to do anything too crazy so I decided on changing the banner, I wasn't too sure about who to go with in terms of a design so I tweeted about it and Beth suggested Carly who had done me an Alpaca a while ago. I contacted Carly earlier today and she did me a sketch of what it will look like and got me to confirm that the design was ok and of course, I was beyond happy with it. After we confirmed the colour theme and the design she got to work fast and came up with something I really wasn't expecting:

I have added a few new blog buttons of some lovely bloggers on the right side of my blog (check them out!), I still have plenty of room left if anyone else wants me to add their button for free. This year I have kind of been on a mission to drink plenty of water, I'm terrible when it comes to drinking fizzy drinks or I always end up being lazy and not getting a drink at all. So I got myself a water bottle that I fill up twice a day, It sits right next to me so it's starring at me, forcing me to drink it. This year I'm going to be having a spending ban on things I don't need, I want to save up for a new phone and the one I want is pretty expensive, I also really need a new camera so I can take better blog posts, but the phone I want has a pretty good camera anyways. Also I have made it my mission own at least one thing from the Panodra rose gold collection, I have never fallen in love with jewellery as fast as I did when I saw that collection, Have any of you seen? This is my collection by far, I need more charms to fill my bracelet up with, so hopefully someone will get me a rose gold one for it (I know a girl can dream).

It's mine and James's one year anniversary next month and I have a really cool present planned for him, once I have given it to him I may do a post on it because it has to be one of the best idea's I have ever had and I'm so proud of myself for thinking of it. This year I haven't made any New Years resolutions because I'm rubbish at keeping them and will most likely forget what they even were, so instead I'm just going to carry on being normal old moody me! I hope you all like my lovely new banner as much as I do, be sure to check out her other illustrations over at Carly Watts: Art & Illustrations, Have a wonderful evening.

Elle May x

Christmas Goodies.

Christmas and new year have come and gone, I couldn't be happier about it to be honest. Buying presents and being surrounded by crowds of people isn't my idea of fun, nor is seeing the new year in with a load of drunk people. I spent both Christmas and New Years with James, it was lovely and quiet just the way I like it. For Christmas I got some lovely presents, I'm ever so grateful for what I have received. I know a lot of people think sharing their presents in blog posts is a big snobby but I really enjoy reading bloggers posts on what they got, so here are a few I received; 

I have wanted this book for a little while now, I don't want to give too much away as some people are probably wanting to read it for themselves, let's just say as a person who suffers from depression it's a great read and perhaps a good gift to give to love ones to help them understand what's going on in your head as someone who suffers from depression.

I have been going on and on at people to get me a Magnitone for ages now and James surprised me with one for Christmas, It was the one thing I really wanted to get so I'm so grateful for it, thank you James! I may do a review on what I think of it, I'm not too sure if I will though, they're so many reviews around for these that I don't think people will want to read yet another review on it.

I love make up brushes, I have over 40 of them because I'm a make up brush hoarder, knows I received some more Eco tools brushes, they are cruelty free and so soft. I love using them on my face. They are travel size too, so I don't have to worry about using a big make up bag when these fit perfectly inside my small one.

As always I got some new Pandora Charms for Christmas, My parents got me the tortoise and a blue blossom bead charms and James got me a cute little reindeer, I also received a dainty heart Pandora ring from James, I love it so much I haven't taken it off.

I did get more presents than this, such as some bath bombs, a my little pony tin, some cute little cat earrings, gift cards and some more that I can't seem to remember right now I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Year and that you all got at least one thing that you wanted.