Having Hobbies Doesn't Mean I Don't Have a Chronic illness.

This post has been a long time coming, I probably shouldn't have to explain myself but what with people passing judgements about me and my chronic illness I had to write it. Gaming is like a release for me, I need something in my life other than worrying about when I will faint and if I will be able to make it pass without me fainting, I find it hard to concentrate at times and I'm very fatigued all the time which is no exaggeration, you can ask Sarah how much I nap she will tell you its a lot. I beat myself up and I'm hard on myself when I can't get a task done, I try to plan things but they don't go to plan I just get what I can do when my body lets me.

Gaming is one of these things I have been able to hold onto for a while now, I barely leave the house due to anxiety and my condition. I'm terrified of fainting whilst I'm out and left depressed because I want to do what abled bodied people can do, like go on long walks and run etc but I can't so gaming is my release I can be transported into a whole new world but at times I cant game for long, my NCS courses me to have pins and needles in my hands and they start to shake now and then I'm not really sure why but it makes holding a controller for long periods of time harder now.

A saying I say constantly is "Gaming is all not just for the abled", it's something that I've argued over a lot, for instance, I take pictures for Instagram for game related things or post pictures on twitter and people assume that I spend all day at home doing nothing but playing a game as I mentioned before I don't spend all day playing games, my life sucks a lot of the time but do I moan about it all the time? No, I get on with it, I crawl into bed and nap for hours because I'm exhausted from fatigue, I cry a lot wishing my body would let me work out more so I could lose more weight instead of making me faint. People don't see my life behind social media except for those who really know me and even then I choose not to open up about how ill and how I'm feeling because I want to talk about something other than my health or I will end up a mess every single day of my life.

Monster Prom Review.

Publisher: Those Awesome Guys

Developer: Beautiful Glitch

Mac Review

*Disclaimer: I was sent the code for this game in return for a review, all opinions are mine and mine alone if you want to know more about my disclaimer please see my contact and disclaimer at the top of my blog.

In my old school, we never got to have a prom, I always wanted to go to one but never got that chance but I think prom has been more popular in America than in the UK, to be honest, I got a chance to play through and review a dating sim called Monster Prom, it's obviously very different from real life due to the monsters but still interesting nonetheless, I'm used to games that have more control I usually find them to be much more fun, Monster Prom was more of a comic than anything with varied options to choose from. The story is pretty simple, there are 3 weeks left until prom and it's your job to try and get the monster you like best take you to prom, the sentences you choose to say in this game will have an impact on how much the person you have chosen will like you, there are 6 to choose from each unique who like different hobbies and you need to impress them.

Review | Live like you give a f**k Book by Nicola Findlay*

Author: Nicola Findlay
Publisher: Clink Street Publishing
Format: Paperback

* I was sent this book for free, all opinions are my own, for more information please read my Disclaimer. 

I'm a very negative person, I personally don't think it's a bad thing but at times I'm negative even if my anxiety isn't at play. I put myself in such a mindset that everything is bad when that isn't the case. I'm very fortunate to be able to have a roof over my head, parents who cared for me and to be able to carry on and push myself despite my chronic illness. This isn't going to be a bullshit post on positively it's going to be a post on my thoughts on a book called live like you give a f**k that talks about positivity. Nicola Findlay is the author of this book, she doesn't like to sugar coat it and if you don't like swearing this book isn't for you. I hate life coaches I find a lot of them to be full of shit and not listen to the problems at hand, from what the book says Nicola helps people in personal development which in a way is a bit like life coaching I guess but after reading the book she takes a different approach to help others. Her way of thinking is to do things you do give a f**k about not what you don't give a fuck about and that's I thought I could take something I can get on board with before I got properly into the book.

I'm forever stuck in this loop of conflicted feelings in my life, my health is a big factor as to why I'm unable to do things but there are things I am unable to do which I put off, but other days I can't physically do them and when I can I tend to lose that motivation when I feel well enough to do them and I need a push to make me do it. I want to start off by saying that I don't think this book factors in those who are disabled or those who suffer from Mental Health, I'm not bashing it at all but a lot of points within the book are very hard to do when you suffer daily with both a disability and your mental health, now don't get me wrong I would love to sit and not give a shit about anything and take my life into my own hands but sometimes it's not as simple as following the steps within a book.

The Mooseman | PS4 Review

Publisher: Vladimir Beletsky
Developer: Vladimir Beletsky, Mikhail Shvachko
PS4 Review

*Disclaimer: I was sent the code for this game in return for a review, all opinions are mine and mine alone if you want to know more about my disclaimer please see my contact and disclaimer at the top of my blog.

The Mooseman is a very slow but beautiful indie game, where you play as a Sharman who slowly makes his way through a mysterious land with beautiful backdrops, you can see both humans and spirits. The game is Russian but you can choose to have English subtitles otherwise you will be clueless about what is happening, the first few seconds I was sat watching the start of the game thinking why I cant understand it, I set it to English and started again (my bad). The Sharman is called The Mooseman due to the fact he wears a skull of one which helps him see into the spirit world, he starts off in the lower part of the world where the damned souls live and have to work his way up, there are three layers to this world he is in. Some spirits you see will help you with your journey to travel deeper but other times by taking off the skull you are able to hide from the sight of the spirits set on killing you in the underworld.

My favourite Studio Ghibli Movies.

Back when I was 16 my sister's partner introduced me to the world of Studio Ghibli and ever since then I have been hooked, as a media student studying animation I was in ore over the beautiful artwork that Studio Ghibli produced, each movie different from the previous with their own unique story and look to them. I didn't know many other people who were fans of the Studio Ghibli and when I would talk about the animation style in college most people had no idea what I was on about but I used my love for the franchise as inspiration for ideas not only in animation but also in any film work I produced, I would often try to make my work stand out and seem unique from others which are pretty hard especially when you're put with a group of people who didn't tend to listen and left you to do everything on your own at times whilst they took credit for it, it used to really get me down because so much pressure was put on me and my teacher would tell me to deal with it as best as I could which is what I did. Anyways my animations class was cut due to the teacher leaving and having no one to replace them, I was pretty annoyed but grateful for all the tips and everything I learnt about animation, it made me have so much respect for the artists behind animations we see who don't tend to get that much credit, well at least not as much as the director and producers, so in honour of my love for Studio Ghibli here are just some of my favourite movies made by them: 

Tau | Netflix Movie Review

Director: Federico D'Alessandro
Writer: Noga Landau

Year Released: 2018

Genre: Sci-Fi / thriller

Watch on: Netflix

We have all seen movies based on people being kidnapped, normally it doesn't end well and there is a lot of tension involved, Tau is no exception to this but what does make it unique is the technology aspect being a big reason as to why people are being kidnapped. Tau is a story about a young woman named Julia, she doesn't live the best life and steals off of people in order to make ends meet, you could say she blends into a crowd perfectly. Whilst in her apartment, someone breaks in and kidnaps her, the movie throws itself straight into the kidnapping and we soon learn why this person has taken her. Whilst locked up she comes across two other people they are pretty average like her and no one would ever notice their disappearance and this is a huge reason they were chosen, the guy who took them was smart and needed viable humans for his test subjects, he used them by inserting a chip into the back of their necks and recording what goes on inside their brains, unfortunately he keeps running out of subjects and having to get new ones because he ends up terminating them by removing the chip he needs the data but after that they are useless to him, Julia is one of these test subjects who discovers she needs to find a way to survive.

Alex (the creepy guy kidnapping people) developed an AI to help make sure his subjects wouldn't escape, he named his AI Tau (pronounced towel) which is voiced by Gary Oldman, they certainly chose wisely when it came to Tau because Gary brings him to life in a brilliant way and left my heart breaking towards the end of the movie. AI has another purpose which Alex doesn't make completely clear but he does talk about how Tau will change the world but in my opinion, Tau was restricted from learning a lot about the world due to Alex keeping him in the dark but thanks to Julia he find a way to learn more. Julia is a very smart girl and hatches a plan to try and escape but is unaware of how dangerous Tau can be, whilst trying to escape she ends up getting the other two test subjects murdered by Tau, in doing this she makes a bargain with Alex about doing his bidding only if he accepts her terms and in the end he agrees. She is unaware of what her fate will be once Alex is done with her at this point but knows to help Alex will help her learn how she could escape from the house she is trapped in.