Anxiety in a relationship.

Friday, 17 July 2015

As a person who does suffer from anxiety and who is in a relationship I thought I would just list a few things some partners may incur when they start dating someone with anxiety. It's important to understand that these things I'm about to list are what I personally do because of my anxiety, not all anxiety sufferers do or say the same things: 

  • Having to apologise more times than necessary and sometimes apologising for nothing. 
  • Asking my partner "are you ok" throughout the day because the look on their face or the way they're acting towards me makes me feel like something is wrong.
  • Phoning my cab for me or going to the shop to get us food because I'm too anxious to do it myself/go with him.
  • Repeating myself over and over again just so they don't forget what I said because there is no doubt I would if I was the other way around.
  • Asking them to text me when they go to sleep or wake up because I have irrational fears that something bad could happen to either one of us. I need to hear/read/say I love you because of my irrational fear or I need to know that the are safe and well.
  • Every part of me sweats, especially my palms. They become so sweaty causing me to become anxious about being out in public and thinking I'm about to pass out (most times I am) or that someone can smell me sweating.
  • Asking my boyfriend to be reassuring as I get anxious about ridiculous things such as what people will think of the way I look.
  • I'm always early, I get worried in case I'm late. When I do end up being late I go into panic mode and my anxiety goes through the roof.
  • I get nervous about seeing people who I have known for ages or having to leave the house at all. I still get nervous about going to see my boyfriend, I have no idea why.
  • Too anxious and scared to have nights out with mates, unless I'm with someone who can tell I'm getting too anxious/or feeling faint and want to leave.
  • I cry a lot, sometimes for no reason but after I've cried it helps and I end up relaxing a lot more.
  • I go silent a lot, not because I'm moody but because an anxiety attack is coming on, so when people accuse me of being moody with them it just makes me feel uncomfortable and as if I'm in the wrong.
  • Eating at a restaurant is a huge thing for me, I hate eating around strangers and people staring at me it makes me feel like I'm being judged. So when I finally do it, it's like a big achievement for me and I end up breathing a sigh of relief when it's over.
  • I like to be close to my boyfriend, some would say it is clingy but I don't do it all the time only when I feel like a good huge and a kiss will help (which it does). Other times I can be distant and act like I'm uninterested but that's just me having a thousand things running around my mind, it doesn't mean I'm not interested in him anymore.

I'm thankful that I have a very loving and understanding boyfriend who looks after me when I'm not feeling well. Knows what to do when I faint and understands that I have anxiety as well as depression. But what you have to remember is you can't always rely on your other half to take care of you, you need to try and take care of yourself, self care is important;

What is self care? 

Self care kind of explains it's self in the name, it means looking after yourself in a healthy way, it can be from eating to brushing your teeth or event taking your medicine when ill, self care comes from you caring for yourself. You don't have to push yourself to do anything you can't do, instead do the things you can do or the things you enjoy, but trying to stay healthy is one of the main things. Personally for me when I eat rubbish food it makes me feel worse, so by eating more healthy it makes me feel a bit better. I understand it can be a big step to make to have self care, believe me there were times I just gave up on it, I ended up being a shell of myself. But over the past few years I have realised that even though I can get help from doctors I also need to help myself. It's all well and good being told I need to take a certain medication to help with something, but that's not going to do anything if I don't take the medicine when i'm suppose to, or if i'm barely getting enough fluids. Don't be afraid of helping yourself, you may feel like you will fail but life it's about trial and error, not everyone is going to be able to do something for the first time so don't beat yourself up over it!