What not to ask me about my heart condition. - EllexMay


Monday, 2 March 2015

What not to ask me about my heart condition.

Over the years people have been curious about my heart problems and how they effect me, but sometimes they don't understand that things they say and ask can be insensitive and very intrusive. It gets annoying having to always explain why I feel annoyed over people asking certain things so here is what I'm sick of being asked or told.

You don't look like you have a heart condition.
How is a person with a heart condition suppose to look? Do you want me to not get ready or make an effort with myself, I know I will just spend every waking day looking like a corpse just so I look like someone who is ill. You can't see all medical conditions or disabilities, don't be one of those narrow minded people who think all people that are ill can only be ill if they look it.

Are you going to die?
I hate this question, of course I'm going to die we all are at some point in our lives. It's not fair to ask someone who is already terrified of dying early due to their heart if they are going to die, that's beyond insensitive and I'm not going to even answer that question if I'm asked it ever again.

Why don't you have a scar?
Not all people who have heart problems can have heart surgery, I have a chronic illness so it cannot be fixed, some people with NCS have pace makers fitted but I am not applicable for that. I may be able to have an operation on my heart valve that's missing the roof but I can't have surgery to fix or cure my NCS. Also not all people who have heart surgery have a huge scar, there are new ways of doing surgery these days that leave Minimal scarring. I don't just suffer from NCS I have a number of different heart problems which are an unroofed coronary sinus, heart bifurcation and a heart murmur.

I've never heard of NCS, are you sure it's real?
Yes it's a real condition, NCS stands for Neurocardiogenic Syncope I've explained it before in a previous blog post.

Why would you want kids or to find love if you have a condition that could kill you early?
I actually hate it when people say this, I have as much right as everyone else to be a mother and find love. It's not me being selfish it's me wanting to get on with life and not get dragged down by my condition. To say I have less of a right to a child or love because of something I can't control is wrong!

Rant over! On a good note I thought I would give you all a little update about my love life! The day after Valentines day (yeah I know it wasn't that long ago) I was asked out by the sweetest guy ever, he is a little charmer and I haven't stopped smiling since we started to date/becoming his gf. I'm hoping thing will carry on going as well as they have been because I'm extremely happy right now, even though people keep asking me stupid questions like the ones above! 


Unknown said...

Thank you so much for your article, Elle. To date, it has been 8 years since my brother Taylor passed away. We grew up in the same room, shared bunk beds, played video games together, basically the whole big family thing. And every year on this date, a miracle happens. I think that finding your article could be one of those miracles. Thank you for writing this. I was missing him today, and your little bit of satire really picked me up. Thanks so much!

I'm curious, though. Would you consider yourself religious? I'm asking because my family is, and it really helped give Taylor the strength to go through his procedures. I would love to share some of his own words that he wrote with you, if you would like. I know that they would help strengthen you as well.

Elle May said...

For some odd reason I have only just seen this comment, I wouldn't say I'm religious but I am always happy to hear comforting words from those who are. I'm so glad this helped you and I'm so sorry about your brother, I hope you're well and I'm sorry for taking so long to reply x