This post is going to be a short one but this is something I've wanted to write about for a while, I've been a bit worried about posting it as I know a lot of people love their periods and this post is about why I hate to love mine personally and why having periods is a struggle for me! When I first started my periods I was 13 years old, I knew what to expect as my older sisters and my mum explained them to me, so when the day came that I got mine I wasn't scared I was more relaxed knowing that I knew what a period was and ways to help my period pains. As the years progressed my periods got heavier and longer and would make me feel very dizzy and sick, at this point I didn't know I had neurocardiogenic syncope so I just put up with it and carried on hiding my fainting and dizziness from the world.
When I finally started college (on my 17th birthday) my periods were so heavy that I did start to bleed through my clothes. I remember one day very vividly when I was wearing beige trousers and I had bled through them, I ended up taking my jumper off and tying it around my waist to hide the blood stain and travelled all the way back home on the bus crying from embarrassment. My friend stacey explained to the teacher that I had to go home because of women problems so when I went back into class the next day I didn't have to make up a stupid lie or try to explain myself, the teacher understood and didn't question me about it. At the age of 21 my periods were no longer 7+ days long they had started to lessen and we're now only 3 days long, but on the run up to my periods my pre syncope from NCS was so bad, in fact worse than it ever was that I just didn't know what to do to help myself, I would just lay in bed in a fetal positon. I would dread when my period was due, it was exhausting but knowing I had periods made me feel somewhat better because it made me think that some part of my body was functioning fine for once.
When I had the coil fitted last year I was told my periods would stop, which they did but I was still experiencing the pre syncope and cramps just without the bleeding. I've been told to expect a period to start in 4-6 weeks since I had the coil out and gone on the pill, I was also told that the pill should make my periods bearable and not as bad as they usually would be. I'm happy but worried for them to start, I would love to say I love my periods and be positive about them but in reality I can't. But what I do want to say is that periods aren't anything to be ashamed of, they are natural and part of life. Being embarrassed over them is just as natural as having them, I thought I would be soo embarrassed to write/post this or worried that I would be judged because I don't love my periods, at the end of the day why would I love them when my chronic illness has makes them a hundred times worse, so really I couldn't care less whether or not someone wants to judge me for how I feel. Does your chronic illness make your periods worse?
Elle May x