Over the years I've learnt to deal with the way I look and accept that I'm not perfect and nor is any human being, it took me a long time to accept this and even now I have days where I sit and cry because I despise the way I look, no matter how much people say I'm beautiful or perfect the way I am, I can never accept it. It's not me wanting them to compliment me more it's me feeling uncomfortable with what the compliments are. I wanted to write this post for a while to show you it's ok to not take compliments if you feel uncomfortable and that even I have issues with the way I look and feel, I wanted to list the 5 things I tried to do in order to fit in with the people around me... Now I really regret doing these things.
1. Dying and cutting my beautiful ginger curly hair.
For years I was bullied so badly because of my hair, they saw ginger people as something that was less to them, something that they felt was wrong. I would cry every single day when I got home from school because I hated being ginger and my hair being curly. I had Beautiful hair which I should of been proud of but people made me feel ashamed and like it was a bad thing, my mum wouldn't let me dye it until I was 16, I dyed it brown and kept cutting it really short, I straightened the hell out of it and then started to bleach it. I wish I had never done this! Once you start dying your hair you will never truely get the natural colour you once were back, nor will you get the curls you once had back of you straighten and damage them. My hairis currently brown but slowly fading back to a ginger colour and I do have curls just not as tight as they use to be.
2. Putting make up over my spots and picking my spots.
When I was 14 up until I was 16 I had dreadful skin, I was lucky that it wasn't so bad throughout the whole of my teenage years, but when I ended up with spots I decided it was a great idea to put make up over them which made them 100 times worse, I was also picking them up which has left a few scars on my face. I know a lot of people do put makeup over spots and it doesn't make it worse for them but for me personally once I let my skin breathe and went out into the fresh air my skin started to clear up, even now at the age of 26 I get spots but they don't stick around for long.
3. Thinking that I could tan if I put baby oil on my skin and went sunbathing.
When I was about 14/15 I decided I had enough of my pale skin and I wanted a beautiful glowing tan instead of looking like a corpse. I found some baby oil and covered myself in it and sat in the sun for hours. Now this was the most stupid thing I could of ever EVER done, baby oil is an oil of course it will make a person fry but it will also further damage your skin by burning it. I was outside for about 2 hours and when I came in my arms and shoulders were red raw, luckily no other part of me was even though I had covered all of my body with the baby oil. Over the next few hours my skin started to blister very badly, my mum tried to cool down my burning arms/shoulders. I had no one else but myself to blame, I had to keep myself covered when going outside even though it was boiling hot. The kid who lived in the apartment was trying to climb over our gate one day so I tried to stop him and he hit me on my arm so hard with his toy that the blisters all started to burst, the pain was terrible. So please please do not sunbathe with baby oil on your skin!!!
4. Biting my nails so short that they would bleed.
I had a terrible habit of biting my nails, it was disgusting and painful. I eventually ended up with bubbly looking skin around my nails which I would pick off and make bleed, my doctor told me I needed to stop doing this and me being a kid didn't listen to a word of what he said. I know biting your nails can be a hard habit to kick but remember what kind of germs are under your nails, which You're putting in your mouth... I can happily say the only time I truly bite my nails is when I'm over stressed, but surprisingly even though I have been over stressed lately I haven't bit my nails and they look fine as they are.
5. Trying every possible product to get rid of stretch marks.
I like many other people have stretch marks, I'm not afraid to say it because over the years I've put on weight and lost it causing a big change in my skin which has caused stretch marks. I use to be so obsessed with seeing celebrities with no stretch marks and their skin on their body looking perfect that I wasted money on creams and oils which did nothing for my stretch marks. A lot of them irritated my skin and brought me out in a rash or they just felt greasy and the creams felt too thick. I realise now you can't get rid of stretch marks but you can make them fade to a lighter colour which palmers cocoa butter cream did for me, I'm not saying it works for everyone but it made me feel happier that they were fading thanks to some kind of cream!
I can symphysise with people who hate the way they look, even now I do but I'm dealing with it and trying to think of the positive things about myself. Remember you're beautiful no matter what you look like you should never try and change the way you are for society to accept you <3